I’m excited to introduce you to my friend, Kim. We became friends through the ministry of Proverbs 31, and she’s a precious gal with a compelling story. I’m honored she’s sharing some of the things she’s learned during her battle with cancer.
Cancer is something we’ll all deal with in some form or fashion, whether its our own personal diagnosis or that of a close friend or family member. I think you’ll appreciate her practical tips.
Be sure to check out her blogs – Hope Lives Now and Kim’s Ponderings Beyond Breast Cancer.
Cancer is a Journey No One Should Walk Alone!
Did you know that almost 50% of American’s will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime? And one third of those diagnosed will die within 5 years of diagnosis?
Three years ago, these statistics meant little to me. After all, I had few cancer risk factors I was only 40 years old. Imagine my surprise when Mr. Lump decided to make my left breast his new home. After numerous tests, discussions with my medical team and many prayers, I decided to have a bilateral mastectomy (both breasts removed).
On Christmas Eve, 2008, I had an 8 hour surgery to evict Mr. Lump and rid my body of this ugly disease. Unfortunately the type of breast cancer I was diagnosed with was Triple Negative Breast Cancer. The surgery gave me a 30% chance of survival, but with chemotherapy, my survival rate increased to 70%.
I had 16 treatments of chemotherapy over five months. Chemotherapy hated me as much as I hated it, as I was admitted to the hospital on five separate occasions due to adverse reactions. After chemotherapy, I had 6 weeks of radiation. Due to complications from treatment, I had a hysterectomy in 2009. My road to recovery included challenges, but today I find myself loving the dance with Mr. NED–No evidence of disease!
Tips for walking with someone
who has been diagnosed with cancer
HOPE:
Offer hope through words wisely chosen, cards, emails or little gifts. It is easy to get discouraged, especially when you feel ill, have battle fatigue and are in pain.
HOUSEHOLD:
- Simple meals that can be put in the oven were a life-saver in our home. I could concentrate on healing because my family had good food to eat.
- Snacks help too. Due to the strain of shopping trips and additional financial costs of cancer treatment, we often cut “treats” from the family grocery budget.
- Staples. We were so appreciative when a thoughtful friend delivered a big pack of toilet paper and paper towels. Providing staples like these keep the pantry stocked, which not only saves the family money but helps the family shopper.
HOUSECLEANING:
A group of our friends came and cleaned our home every two weeks while I was going through chemotherapy. This gift was appreciated by every member of the family. (If cleaning house isn’t your thing and you can afford it give a gift certificate for housecleaning services.)
ENCOURAGEMENT:
- If the individual has a blog or Caring Bridge page, visit often and comment on their updates. The comments left on my Caring Bridge page were a great source of encouragement to me, especially during the lonely and fearful times.
- A friend of mine printed inspiring scriptures on post cards. I still carry these cards with me.
- Give a “blue bag.” Put several small gifts in a bag that can be opened whenever he/she feels “blue”. The gifts can be silly or practical. A friend gave me a blue bag and I had so much fun anticipating each gift. (Yes, it did help me from feeling blue–knowing someone loved and cared about me enough to take the time to make this gift.) In addition, blue bags are a great idea for the children of the family.
- Encourage dreams. Encourage the individual to think about lost dreams and to set future goals and plans. Help him/her obtain their dream if possible. A few “dream believers” walked into my life and supported me so I could fulfill a dream of mine to attend the SheSpeaks conference in North Carolina. (A gift I will cherish forever!)
- Pray together. Some days I was too weak to pray, but I treasured the times when someone would visit and pray with me, call on the phone and pray with me, or email me a prayer written for me.
CELEBRATIONS:
At every opportunity–celebrate! Celebrate clean scans, the half-way point of chemo, and the end of chemo! Use goofy hats or necklaces, bubbles, or confetti to mark the occasion.
PAMPER:
Cancer treatment is really hard on the body both physically and emotionally. Some ideas for pampering:
- Pretty hat or scarf (if they lose their hair)
- Pretty and soft lounge wear
- Massage when treatment is completed
- A gift certificate for “make over” to be used a few months after treatment is completed.
- Jojoba oil is a pure and natural plant extract that makes a great skin moisturizer. (Try to avoid any scented or perfumed body products.)
TIME:
When I was going through treatment, I felt as if my life was on hold, while everyone else was out having a good time. I still cherish the memories of someone taking the time to just sit with me. Time is really a precious gift you can give someone.
FAMILY MEMBERS:
If the individual has a spouse or children, try to remember them. They often suffer along with their loved one.
- One night a group of friends came to our home…the guys took my husband out for supper and the gals stayed and babysat me. The evening was such a blessing to us both.
- Another friend took my 13 year old daughter for a “beauty make over.” She delighted in a day of pampering.
- If you can, give them gift cards to the movies, bowling, swimming, and fast food.
THINGS NOT TO SAY:
- Please, please, please don’t tell them about your Uncle Henry who puked his guts out when he was going through chemo. Knowing this isn’t going to help, it just increases fears.
- Please, please, please don’t tell them about so and so just dying from cancer. Death from cancer is a reality. We know that. We live that. We don’t need anyone reminding us of this possibility.
- Cancer is a gift. If you think it is gift, I can wrap it up and give it to you.
- God must really love me as He gave me this burden to carry. This goes against all theological beliefs. God loves me! Period! The previous statement makes me want to say, so He doesn’t love you as much, because you didn’t get cancer?
GOOD THINGS TO SAY:
- I love you!
- You can do this!
- I believe in you!
- You are an inspiration!
- You are beautiful!
- You are courageous!
- Can I pray with you?
- God loves you!
- God is with you every step!
- God can carry you when you are too weak to walk on your own!
- I am here!
- I am proud of you!
- Keep it up, you’re doing a great job!
- How are you? (Don’t forget to stop and listen if you ask this question.)
- I am praying for you!
If you need additional resources for supporting someone on the cancer journey, please check out HopeLivesNow! Cancer is a journey no one should walk alone!
Wow — such inspiration and helpful information. Thank you, Kim! A few weeks ago, I began putting a care box together for a friend undergoing chemo but came up empty on ideas, except for a few basics. Another friend, who is also celebrating with Mr. NED suggested Silly Putty, crayons, and coloring books. I would’ve never considered putting creative, fun type gifts in the box, especially for an adult — but the recipient enjoyed them very much. I hope you’ll make an e-book that includes all your wonderful ideas, but until then, I’m printing this out for future reference. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I look forward to visiting your blog. God bless you, Kim. (Thank you, Susan!)
I love Silly Putty, and nothing smells better than a fresh box of crayons!! What fun ideas, Cathy, although I’m not surprised. You’re a thoughtful gal and a blessing to all who know you
Thanks for commenting!
Cathy–Thank you for you kind words! Silly Putty, crayons and coloring books are excellent ideas–just the thought brings a smile to my face! Praying blessings of good health to your friends! PS. I visited your blog and love it!!
This is so powerful! I am so thankful you’ve shared this. I hope you don’t mind, but I will be adding Kim to my Show and Tell Saturday…there are so many people I know who are battling cancer in one way or another, and her words share such heart-felt wisdom. I know many, myself included, who can benefit from her insights.
Love and God Bless,
Christy
Thanks for stopping by, Christy, and we’d love for you to share this post on CrossMoms! Nobody can give advice quite like someone who has walked the path. I’m honored that Kim would share her journey and her insights.
Christy, Thanks you so much for your kind words. I love your site and look forward to spending some time reading more of your posts soon! Blessings to you, Kim
This was a wonderful post! Thanks for sharing it, Susan. And Kim, thanks for taking the time to let us know what to say and do as well as what not to. My sweet hubby was diagnosed with CLL (a form of leukemia) a couple of years ago and is still in the “watch and wait” stage. So far the only manifestations are fatigue and some lymph node involvement, and I don’t dwell on the uncertain future but I will file your wise words away so I can refer to them again.
Blessings,
~Anna
Thanks so much for stopping by today, Anna. I’ll add your husband to my prayer journal. I think the “watch and wait” stage can be one of the hardest.
Thanks for the prayers for Rick, Susan. Intercessory prayer is powerful stuff!
Anna, Thanks for your comments. I, too, will add you and your husband to my prayer list. The role as a caregiver is a unique and challenging one, may you feel God’s grace and love. Blessings!
Thank you so much, Susan. Your post is an inspiration. I’m at the three year level mark, so it’s time for a celebration which is always great. Bless you for sharing – it’s something I have difficulty doing. I’m a writer and people (including psychologist) has said “write about it” but I can’t. Good luck, and I’ll keep following your wonderful progress.
Thanks for stopping by, Susan. I hope you’ll subscribe to Kim’s site. She posts regularly and gives lots of useful tips. I know you’ll be blessed, and when the time is right, I pray you WRITE. Lots of hurting hearts out there need to hear your message of hope.
Hugs from VA,
Susan
Susan–Congrats on the three year mark!! YAHOO!!! Drop me a line on my site and let me know how you chose to celebrate! My daughters and I celebrated my 3 1/2 year mark last week with a girls day out! PS. I understand the challenge in sharing our journey’s–I am finding some life events are easier to write about than others.
Great ideas. My sister who is older than me is a breast cancer surviror. And I sent her a gift certificate for what she chooses what kind of bra she wants, bec she said she is shopping for one. Then I made her a necklace and a bracelet to match, it had that cancer ribbon insignia. Thanks for sharing the post.
Glad you enjoyed Kim’s tips, Anita. I know your sis loved her jewelry — you have such a knack for that. Sarah and I love our bracelets!
Anita–what a great gift for your sister! The jewelry is something special for the world to see…a bra has such special significance to breast cancer survivors.
Susan, thank you for introducing us to Kim! Kim,thank you for sharing your experience and great ideas of what to say and how to help (when we don’t know what to say or what to do)! Praying for God’s continued blessing in your life and in the lives of those to whom you minister!
Love and hugs!
Thanks for stopping by, Kristi, especially on such a busy week! I knew Kim’s thoughts would be a blessing. Nobody can minister quite like someone who’s been down that path!
Kristi–Thank you for your prayers–much appreciated! Glad you stopped by here, so I could meet you.
I literally stumbled across this book 3 weeks ago:
DON’T WASTE YOUR CANCER by John Piper (author of Don’t Waste Your Life)
“How are we as Christians called to respond when cancer invades our lives, whether our own bodies or those of our friends and family?
On the eve of his own cancer surgery, John Piper writes about cancer as an opportunity to glorify God. With pastoral sensitivity, compassion, and strength, Piper gently but firmly acknowledges that we can indeed waste our cancer when we don’t see how it is God’s good plan for us and a hope-filled path for making much of Jesus.
Don’t Waste Your Cancer is for anyone touched by a life-threatening illness. It first appeared as an appendix in Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. Repackaged and republished, it will serve as a hope-giving resource for healthcare workers, pastors, counselors, and others caring for those with cancer and other serious illnesses. The booklets are also available in packs of ten.”
Thanks, Susan for Kim’s inspiring message!
I love John Piper and I’ll have to check out that book! I love Bill Fintel & Gerry McDermott’s “Dear God, It’s Cancer.” They tweaked it and re-released it a few years ago, but it’s my go-to book for friends with recent diagnoses. Thanks for sharing the Piper book, TK!
TK and Susan–Thanks to you both for giving me an idea! When time permits, I think I will add a book list page with suggestions of books that may be helpful.
Kim, thank you so much for sharing these tips. They’ve come at a critical time for me, I have a close friend dealing with debilitating migraines. She’s been hospitalized several times lately and I can see the toll being ill – with no treatment plan that works in sight – is taking on her mental as well as physical health. I’ve been struggling with how to help, rather than add to her discouragement and now God has answered my prayers.
Susan, thank you for sharing Kim with us! Blessings to you both, Edie
Thanks for stopping by, Edie. I can’t imagine the pain your friend is suffering, and it’s frustrating when there’s no clear path. I know you’ll be a great blessing to her, and I’m glad Kim’s tips gave you some new ideas.
Edie, I thought I recognized your name…I have been following your blog for some time. I am sorry to hear about your friend. Blessings to you as you encourage your friend through her health challenges.
What an inspirational post. My grandmother died from lung cancer, but while she was going through chemo, I drove to Montana from Georgia to visit her and made sure to buy her some beautiful nightgowns. I wanted to give her reasons to smile before she was gone. I think I succeeded. I’m glad you posted this for everyone who has and will suffer from cancer. Thank you.
What a sweet idea, Amberr. I know your nightgowns blessed your grandmother, but I bet your she really appreciated all the time and effort you spent to be with her. Thanks for sharing that precious memory.
Oh, Amberr…thank you for sharing this memory with us. Time is such a treasured gift…and a beautiful nightgown, too. Yes, I am sure you succeeded in making her smile.
Kim,
This is truly awesome and what a wonderful take away for timely ministry for those dealing with cancer. Your insight to how to serve them is a blessing. Thank you for taking the time to be thorough and especially specific with exactly how for us to reach out.
God bless you as you serve Him and bring glory to His Name!
Love you both sisters,
Love, Hester
Hester–Thank you for your kind words. Blessings on your week!
Hi Kim- I’m dashing in late but wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your wisdom! I absolutely embrace all that you have had to say. It reminds me of my own blessings and how abundant they are. I am glad to know someone else was so well loved and supported during their journey too! Blessings on your week- thanks for an enlightening post!
So glad you stopped by, Vicky. I’m grateful for Kim’s wisdom and so happy she shared her tips with us. Blessings to you and hugs from VA!
Susan
Vicky–how exciting to see you stopping by Susan’s blog! You are such an encouragement to so many! Now, I am hoping over to your blog to read your recent post. Blessings my friend!
What a beautiful post with such practical tips!
I love this: “Cancer is a Journey No One Should Walk Alone!”
So glad to hear of your NED status! Congratulations!
Thank you, for sharing!
Thanks for stopping by, Joe. I hope you’ll share Kim’s tips and her website!
Bless you for this powerful, precious post.
Thanks, Denise. It’s an honor to share Kim’s tips. Such great, practical info!
Helpful, life-giving words here. Thank you.
Thanks, Jennifer. Kim knows her stuff, doesn’t she?
Good insight, wisdom, and straightforward sharing. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it, Joanne. Please share Kim’s site with your friends. She has great content!
I’m late, so late, but I love what you girls did with this post and I’m sure it’s helping so many people. I have already shared it!
Thanks so much, Julia
You’re a great encouragement to me!
Thanks for sharing on CrossMoms, Christy!