It lurked in the recesses of my fridge. I had no idea what it was or how long it’d been there, I just knew that it wasn’t mine. And it was nasty.
Photo courtesy Dreamstime
As the family gathered for dinner, I plopped the container on the counter. “Who does this belong to?”
The three voices chimed, “Not me!”
“Well,” I accused, “it isn’t mine so it has to belong to ONE of you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sound familiar? Why is it so hard to accept responsibility and admit you’ve made a mess? The words seem so simple:
It’s mine… I’m sorry… I blew it…
And yet, they’re so difficult to say. We want to rationalize our actions and explain ourselves, or blame somebody else, or try to hide the mess and hope nobody notices.
Sadly, the mess remains, and if it’s not quickly dealt with, it can cause long-term problems. Gideon had one such mess.
After defeating the Midianites, Gideon collected gold from the plunder to build a memorial to God. His intent was good, but what happened was not:
All Israel prostituted themselves by worshiping it there, and
it became a snare to Gideon and his family.
~Judges 8:27B (NIV)
Gideon was a great man of valor and faith, but when he created his memorial, he blew it.
But so do we.
Hasty words, broken promises, misplaced priorities… Or like Gideon, we might create or acquire something that’s meant to be helpful, but in time becomes destructive or changes our focus.
Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
A hobby, for instance.
It begins as something that helps us relax and unwind. But then we get serious about it.
We need better equipment.
We need to practice more.
We need to play weekend tournaments.
Before we know it, our hobby has become an obsession. This doesn’t just apply to activities. It can also apply to jobs, relationships, ministry, etc.
(Pardon me while I touch up my pedicure. I’ve stepped on my own toes!)
Please hear my heart: we need all those things! God delights when our lives are balanced and our pursuits are healthy. But the enemy of our souls wants to take every good thing and corrupt it. He wants us out-of-balance and unhealthy, and loves nothing more than to watch something good become an obsession and take our focus. Because,
Anything that takes our focus off God
can become an idol in our hearts.
(Care to Tweet this?)
OUCH.
I’ve found these steps to be helpful as I prayerfully examine my life:
- Admit the wrong and ask for forgiveness.
- Explain if appropriate, and ask for accountability.
- CHANGE.
- Share if/when appropriate.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other …
~James 5:16a (TNIV)
“Wrongs” come in all shapes and sizes, ranging from simple missteps (wrong priorities, bad habits, etc.) to deliberate deceit (adultery, embezzlement, etc.). The greater the wrong, the more serious the consequences and the harder the work. But regardless of the situation, God can and will redeem it if we’re willing.
To borrow the Nike slogan, Just Do It. Like leftovers in the fridge, the longer you wait, the nastier it gets.
How have you seen this in your life, or the life of someone close to you?
Click to read other posts in the series, Leaving a Godly Legacy.
Love this, Susan. I struggled for a long time admitting I was wrong in anything. but I’ve learned, with anything, practice makes perfect ; )
Striving to see if I have any idols harboring in me….
Hugs to you from sunny MN!
Thanks for stopping by, Nikki! I’m with you – I hate admitting it, but it’s like a new jar of pickles: after the first one is out, the rest are easy
Sorry for the delay…my Pedicurist was running behind this morning. Ouch!
When you italicized ministry it struck a chord. Not so many years ago I realized how I had allowed my teaching a Sunday School class every week to take over my life. I love teaching but anything, including ministry, can easily get out of balance if we don’t stay alert to the tug of our flesh and the whispers of the enemy.
So true, Cathy. There’s a fine line with ministry, and it’s easily blurred. I like Anna’s comment – the work of the Lord vs the Lord of the work. Convicting!!
Glad you stopped by today. BTW t-minus 19 days and counting to Hokie football!
I thought you were going to say that the leftovers turned out to be YOURS (haha–that would be MY issue!) It is so very hard to say “I’m sorry”– two little words, but when you’ve grown up in a family that passes blame all the time, they can become the hardest words to say. This is really central to your idea of leaving a legacy. The more loving the atmosphere, the more regular the practice of confession and FORGIVENESS, the easier it is to own up to mistakes. Thanks for posting, Susan.
Thanks for stopping by, Karen. (And YES, I’ve had more than my share of nasty food in the fridge!! Hahah!)
You make a great point about saying, “I’m sorry.” There’s such power in those words!! It infuriates me to hear someone say, “I’m sorry if that upset you…” They’re not sorry for their hurtful words, they’re aggravated at your response! Grrr
So true! A couple of years ago I was studying the passage from 1 Cor 10:14 that warns us to flee from idolatry. My youngest son was about 8 at the time and he said, “Flee from Dollar Tree?” In his life at the time, that was a good application. I’ve found that being productive (as defined by me) is a form of idolatry I have to fight.
Ooh, Jeanette – “personal productivity” as an idol. That’s great! Thanks for passing that alone and further marring my pedicure!!
We are neighbors today at Jennifers…Oh I hate to think how hard it was for me to admit I was wrong to my kids… this was never modeled in my home so I was doing what was natural…but God’s gentle love taught me and changed me and freed me from having to be right…well…not that I do it perfectly…but oh the grace…good encouragement here…blessings
Thanks, Ro. It IS hard for parents to apologize because we want to be seen as the final authority in our homes. But in a gracious Christian home, there’s only One final Authority. I learned a long time ago it wasn’t me.
Hugs from VA!
oops…actually neighbors at Duane’s…
We’re everywhere
Great post…and yes, ouch! One thing that struck me in particular was “Share if/when appropriate.” We do have to be careful with this. Sometimes it just needs to be between us and the Lord. Sharing might make us feel better, but hurt someone else. We must be prayerful regarding sharing.
You are a treasure! Love you!
Oh girl, have we had some conversations about THAT. Yep, somethings are best kept in a vault with the Lord.
Love you, sweet Kristi
Well written and great food for thought…love you and the wonderful example you set.
Love you too, Aunt Cherry. Thanks for keeping me straight
Okay where is the nail polish, my pedicure is messed up as well! I know there are things that I have let take the place of my time with God. Things He has given me…like writing ( say it is not so!)
But in his love, he gently pulls me back alinement.
Good Blog!
Hi Di! Thanks for stopping by. I should’ve included a polish-alert with this post
Susan, how did you know I need a pedi? Seriously, you are right on target today. The ministry tag rang true to me right now and reminds me of something I heard once about not getting so involved with the work of the Lord that we forget the Lord of the work.
One thing the Lord has taught me is that saying “I’m sorry” is seriously better than saying “I apologize.” Even though it is so difficult to say, that “sorry” word often seems to tug at hearts those who hear it from us. I think it is the difference between being repentant for a behavior or just glossing over it as a kind of excuse.
Blessings on your day!
~Anna
Hi Anna! So true — “I’m sorry” is a powerful thing to say, and nothing is more effective at breaking down the defenses. Once the walls are down (and the gloves are off!), the Lord has a lot of room to work.
Glad you stopped by today. Hope you’re staying cool out in AZ
Many times over, pride has kept me from apologizing or even admitting I’m wrong. I know what’s happening, but the grip pride has is so strong. I must intentionally remember, in those moments, that the evil one is doing everything to keep me subject to my pride, thus keeping me in a state of turmoil. I’m so grateful my Heavenly Father speaks to my heart during those moments, giving me the strength necessary to overcome evil.
What a great testimony, Stefanie. Thanks for your transparency. It IS hard to apologize and accept responsibility for our actions. The enemy can get such a foothold!
Thanks for stopping by today.
This is great Susan! I need to get in your pedicure line! Ha! As my husband so succinctly puts it: Love, Love, Go! Love the Lord, love your neighbor, go tell the world…in that order and in that priority.
Hi Mindy! I love your hubby’s quote — spot on!
Glad you stopped by today. Hope your toes are better
Oh Susan, perhaps we should go get a pedicure together?
. A wonderful post! As a parent I think it is especially hard to admit wrong doing and apologize to your kids. I don’t remember my parents ever doing that, but it is something I try hard to model to my children. None of us are perfect. We all mess up. But you are right ~ the faster we deal with it, the less messy it will be. Guess it’s time to go clean the fridge! 
. Thanks for the encouraging ~ and convicting ~ word this morning!
LOL Jeannette, there’s a line around the bloggy block, isn’t there!
I’ve apologized to my children on numerous occasions, and I’ve always made sure they knew that I was making the best decision I knew to make at the time. You’re right – we’re not perfect and we don’t have all the answers. And our kids KNOW that, so there’s no sense in pretending. It just drives a wedge between us.
I’m so glad you took time to stop by today. Hope you’re having a productive week!
Susan,
So nicely written!! The irony is people tend to gravitate to others who are willing to step up, “just do it,” and take ownership. Who wants to be around a “perfect” person who is never wrong? We want to be around other people who are fallible like we are… we want to know it’s okay to make a mistake and seek forgiveness. Lord knows I’m always screwing up and in turn, always saying I’m sorry, but God understands my humanness and knows my heart and I have yet to lose a friendship after having said I was sorry.
Thanks for this reminder, Susan to keep my sights focused on God and to keep a check and balance system for times when I may be steering off the path (just as weak muscles make it difficult for our bodies to find balance, a weak spirituality makes it difficult to balance our eternal priorities).
On that note… I think I’ll go “strength” train
Marisa
Sweet Marisa, I’m there with you in the “always screwing up” line. SO grateful for a gracious & merciful Savior Who is ready to forgive. And PTL for friends who forgive!
Thanks for stopping by. Hope you enjoy your workout!
You’re right on target with this Susan. I’ve had several “good” things in my life — blessings, really — become idols of my affections. I liken that to digging dry and broken cisterns in our land of promise. I find it takes constant vigilance to keep my promise land free of those stinky, waterless pits. And the only way I’ve found around it is to stay so focused on feasting on Him that I resist the temptation to make anything else my god.
This is a wonderful post! Really made me think today and do a little self-evaluation.
Hi Kay! Isn’t crazy that it’s the “good” things that can get us off track? It’s what makes it so hard to spot sometimes!
Love the broken cisterns metaphor. Jeremiah was the BEST. Thanks for stopping by today!
Great word Susan,
I like how you share that hobbies can become obsessions – that’s so very true – you know what? I think we live in such an “obsessed” culture that it has become the ‘norm’ and those who do try to have balance are looked at as weird or not committed. (I’m specifically referring to the demand athletics can play in our children’s lives – we must set boundaries).
Blessings, Hester
TRUE, Hester! Travel sports were a big part of our lives when Scott was younger, and it was a constant struggle to balance that with church activities. I’m glad that stage of our lives is OVER.
Thanks for stopping by today. Hope you’re enjoying the end of the summer with your boys!
Susan, I am visiting from Unwrapping His Promises. This is great stuff to chew on today. Thanking for pointing me to Him and encouraging me to focus focus focus on Him today. It is so nice to meet you, friend. Your words bless.
So good to have you here, Elizabeth! Glad you enjoyed the post
Such a good post.
Grazi, Denise!
Thanks for your reminder of God’s grace – when you spoke of God redeeming when we ask. I need it more times than I care to admit!
Thanks for stopping by, Jodi. I love that He redeems my messes
Ouch, that hurts. All of it. Actually this is a timely reminder, as in – I needed to read this as a follow up to my thoughts just before I clicked over. Thank you.
I hear ya, Shelly. I hurt the whole time I wrote it. Still do!
Glad you stopped by today
This is something I still struggle with. I just hate being wrong!! i’m so stubborn. Awareness if half the battle though! Work in progress…
Thanks for linking up!
I like being right too, Mary Beth! After 25 years of marriage and 22 years of being a parent, at least I’m learning to think before I speak. Sometimes
Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for the WIP link-up. So many great folks in that community!
Ouch to be sure. I thinks it’s time to take inventory and make sure my priorities are in order. Thank you for a thoughtful post
Always glad to see your name in the comment list, Kathleen. I appreciate your stopping by and being such an encouragement.
This really hits home. (And not just because we returned home from a 3 week vacation to find some unidentifiable objects in the frig!)
I’m always amazed with even my five year olds reaction when I ask him for forgiveness. It melts away hard hearts and ends in hugs. But I forget.
Thank you for the reminders!
Stopping by for the first time from WIP.
Welcome, Melanie! I’m glad you hopped over, and I’m looking forward to visiting your site!
It’s so true — a sincere apology is disarming, and breaks down the barriers and lets the Lord move in with His healing. If we could just learn to let go of the pride and get out of His way!
Thanks so much for stopping by. Hugs from VA!
This is such a great article, Susan! I always remind myself of what CS Lewis said in The Screwtape Letters- “You don’t need murder [to keep a Christian away from God] if cards will do the trick!”
Thanks so much!
I love CS Lewis and read Screwtape Letters in college! I hadn’t thought of that quote in years, but it is SO true. It’s the trivial things that trip us up!
So glad you stopped by today, and I enjoyed your post on stereotypes!
I was raised by parents who seldom apologized, although my father did a time or two for losing his temper. My mom, I don’t know that I ever heard her say that. They did not argue in front of us and we never heard them apologize to each other. So you know how that messed our world view as adults?
But I wanted to be the opposite of my mother, so I apologized for everything under the sun. This also seems to irritate people around you. I’m sorry should be healing words. I did make sure our son heard his parents apologize when we were wrong. Most of the time, I know I goofed up as soon as it comes out of the mouth and immediately tell them I’m sorry. I have a 24 hour rule in public…when a friend offends me I wait 24 hours to decide if I want to address it. It takes the heat and sting out of it and I often decide it’s a non issue. Other times, the space has given me time to speak without anger and explain why I was upset. Sadly, I do not have as much patience with my husband. I have to apologize to him a LOT. And again, I usually know it as soon as I speak the snarky words.
I’m glad you stopped by today, Tina. I’m a people pleaser and want smooth sailing in my house, so I’ve done my share of apologizing too!
Thanks for sharing your tactic with deciding whether or not to confront somebody. I like that! I think it’s wise to let some time pass, and I’m sure it’s saved you from some potentially embarrassing moments!
Susan – I’m stopping by from Word Filled Wednesday.
Great post filled with wisdom. The part about even our ministry becoming an obsession really spoke to me. Even when we are “doing” things for Christ, if we aren’t careful the focus can be upon the things and not upon Him.
Great post!
Joan
Thanks, Joan! The idea of “ministry idols” is one that’s resonated with a lot of people. I love how my friend Anna phrased it, “the work of the Lord” vs “the Lord of the work.”
So glad you stopped by today. Hugs from VA!
Excellent thoughts, Susan! It’s hard for me to ADMIT I’m wrong…but it’s easy for my husband to SEE on my face that I’m wrong! First I start with a little smile….then he knows! God knows without looking at my face….he see’s my heart. Eeek…. Thank God for his mercy!!!!
Eeeek, indeed! And a big Holy Schmoley thrown in for good measure! Yep, without grace & mercy, we’re SUNK.
Thanks for stopping by today, my sweet friend. Hope your hair looks purty
It’s so true – we all had difficulty in admitting wrong. Thanks for the excellent post!
Thanks for stopping by, Lisa!
Susan, First, WOW! Look at all these comments! You are doing wonderful things my friend. And I had to laugh at the “not me”! Wow, we get a lot of those. Your post reinforces some great points made by Michael Hyatt in some of his podcasts/ blog posts. When processing failure, we have to own our mistakes, so that we can move on. He also discusses aligning life priorities with our daily actions, so that we don’t give too much time or energy to one consuming thing. I love your scriptural references, and especially the “care to tweet this” – nice spin on the “click to tweet”. You’ve inspired me to think of something catchy! Thanks!
Thanks a bunch, Julia! Doesn’t Michael Hyatt give the best advice? I love his posts. I’ll have to download a podcast for my next road trip.
And yes – I finally put in a “click to tweet,” as if I say anything “tweetable”
Can’t wait to see your twist on it!
Wow does this hit home! I find that frequently I am avidly pursuing something that I believe will honor God and then ruin it by becoming more obsessed with that thing than with God. Which is why I’ve even had to dial back the time I’m spending with my blog. Even though the blog was begun as a way to honor God and encourage others. Thank you so much for this insightful post. And for linking up with NOBH. Smiles!
Hi Amy,
Thanks so much for stopping by. I totally understand the struggle you mentioned. There is so much to know and do with a blog, and it’s easy to get distracted! It’s a daily decision to do what you need to do, and then walk away.
Blessings,
Susan
Oh, yes. After going through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University my husband and I were so thrilled to be such wiser managers of our money, and to be at peace where we were.
However, when I felt the insistent tug for months of God calling me to leave my job for something more suitable of my own making-but completely unknown-I balked and balked. One day, after many weeks of prayer and journaling, it hit me hard: I was idolizing my job and the pay. I was afraid to leave and let go of that security. I didn’t trust enough to follow and for Him to provide during what was sure to be a long start up phase with no income.
I finally did, after He so gracefully provided a 1-2-3 punch of “hear My message through others you know and trust”, and I gave notice.
Idolizing is much like that quiet and deadly riptide-you don’t even know it’s there until it pulls you right under. Thanks for the reminder to be ever watchful!
Wow, Kim – love the riptide metaphor. SO TRUE! I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who struggles with keeping the “good things” in perspective!
I’d love to hear more about your new venture. I hope you share it on your blog soon!
So glad you stopped by today,
Susan
Loved this! It is so much better to admit when your wrong from the start before it becomes so much worse! Great reminder. Thanks for linking up at Leaving A Legacy!
Blessings~
Shari
Thank you, Shari! I love the community at Leaving A Legacy
Oh, how this scenario plays over and over in my own home, as well as most others
But the truth you share here, is convicting. I am thankful for grace…
We are neighbors at Allume today
Thank you, Michele-Lyn. So glad for us to link-up!