“Be careful who you run around with,” the retired teacher explained to the rising high school freshman.
I sat silently in the salon chair, watching snips of wet hair fall in my lap, and eavesdropped on the conversation.
“Get in with the wrong circle of friends,” she continued, “and you’re headed for trouble.”
I’d given my own children the same advice, but they paid more attention when they heard the message from an “expert.” I guess I wasted all my money on all of Dr. Dobson’s books!
I remember one of the prayers the Dobsons prayed for their children. They asked the Lord to put godly influences in their paths, especially as they got older and might not be as inclined to listen to their parents’ advice.
That made an impression on me, as did Stormie Omartian’s book, “The Power of a Praying Parent.” One of my favorite prayers was Proverbs 13:20,
May Scott and Sarah walk with the wise and grow wise,
not walk with fools and suffer harm.
As parents, we go to great lengths to protect our children, but sometimes they let the wrong people into their inner circle of friends. That’s nothing new, as evidenced by this tragic account in Judges 17-18.
Courtesy Dreamstime
Micah wanted to secure God’s favor in his life. A young, out-of-work Levite crossed his path and Micah went to him for counsel. But instead of faithfully following God’s law, this opportunistic Levite accepted Micah’s offer to be his personal priest and led Micah’s family into idolatry.
Not only that, when a better offer came his way, this Levite left Micah and led the entire tribe of Dan into idolatry.
People come across our paths at different seasons in our lives, and many bless us abundantly. They help us navigate the uncharted territories in our lives.
But other people are not blessings. They may be helpful at first, meeting a need or lending a hand in during a difficult time. As time goes by, however, something seems amiss.
A righteous man is cautious in friendship… ~Prov 12:26a
It’s not always easy to discern because, to the outside world, things look ok. But we have an uneasy feeling. We’re not exactly sure what it is, but something doesn’t add up.
The longer we stay in the relationship, the harder it can be to get out. Just ask my friend, Tereasa.
Searching for a community of faith, Tereasa’s family found what looked to be the perfect fellowship. Over time, however, she discovered herself immersed in a cult. The Lord graciously opened her eyes to the deception, but it wasn’t easy to make the break from the people who’d been her spiritual family.
It’s rarely easy to end a relationship, especially when it’s been a source of strength in our lives. Because we’ve been deceived, we second-guess our judgment. Spiraling thoughts confuse us and we reason, “If it happened once, it could happen again.”
Often we withdraw and wrestle alone with our pain. Sometimes we build walls around our hearts, refusing to let anyone come near.
But God doesn’t want His children living in isolation and fear. He created us for community and He wants our relationships to be a source of strength and encouragement. He wants us to be discerning about those we let influence us.
Our inner circle will determine whether
we grow toward God or stray from Him.
(Care to tweet?)
Our Heavenly Father knows His kids, and wants us to be cautious about who we run around with. I want to be sure I’m running with people who follow hard after Him.
Click to read other posts in the series, Leaving a Godly Legacy.
Be sure to read more about Tereasa’s journey to freedom on her blog, His Pen On My Heart.
Thank the Lord for Dr. Dobson.
I was a new believer and starving for direction on how to be a godly mom. I remember praying that our boys would be leaders rather than followers as they walk in His discernment. Thank you for sharing Tereasa’s story – so inspiring.
I’m enjoying this series, Susan!
Thanks, Cathy! Amen to Dr Dobson
Where would we be without him?
Glad you enjoyed the series – this is my last week!
It’s funny, I think I was one of the few children that actually took the whole inner circle thing seriously. Throughout school and university I made sure I hung out with people who would encourage my relationship with God. In some ways I wish I’d made more connections with people who weren’t Christians – I think I was overly scared – but there’s a lot of protection that that choice meant for me, and overall I’m grateful.
Coming to you via WIP weds.
I know what you mean about being careful, Tanya. But I’ll bet your parents were relieved!
Thanks so much for stoping by
Excellent piece Susan. I needed to hear this as well today. Good Job
Thanks, Di. Glad you’re in my circle
And my Monday post was all about my OCFG’s (Outrageously Christ-Filled Girlfriends), who God blessed me with. Glory. They are so needed and valued in my life.
I love that, Felecia! I’m thankful for my OCFGs too!
Glad you stopped by – I need to read that post!
This is such an important message and you have expressed it so well. God bless this post, Susan!
Thank you, Tereasa. So inspired by your walk of faith. God bless YOU
(And Lord, please heal that hand!)
Wonderful, thought provoking post! We need to have a friend criteria checklist. In my circles, I try to avoid people who flatter me, people who are easily impressed with titles and influence and anyone I haven’t seen at least one act of kindness toward another when no one was looking.
Ooh, that last one is really good, Keiki — Thanks for sharing those!
Susan, what a great post! I’m so glad that I have an enner circle full of ladies who follow Christ with their whole heart. I know without a doubt that their hearts are set on Him and they’re teaching me to do the same. Thanks for this great series! Love you, sweet friend!
Thanks, sweet Jamie. God has certainly placed some amazing women in your circle. They bless all of us!
Loved this post! Thanks Susan.
This was so ON-TARGET for me today.
The older I become, the more I realize how important it is to step out in faith, and not be afraid to form new friendships.
My circle of friendships has changed….many times.
It usually takes a life time to weed out the unhealthy relationships.
Blessed to have you in my circle!
“What a Friend We Have In Jesus”…
I’m glad we’re running in circles together!! Sometimes, literal circles
God has blessed me with some wonderful friends, and I’m thankful you’re one of them.
Susan, as usual this was wonderfully thought provoking and absolutely what I needed to read today.
I have recently had to sever a relationship that was destructive to me and some people around me, and not God-honoring at all. It about sucked the life out of me because any kind of stress exacerbates my FMS and CFIDS symptoms.
Leaving this relationship was difficult and I’ve been praying about this person and our relationship a lot but God continues to give me a great peace about the whole thing.
Thank you, dear friend, for continuing to bless us with this blog!
Hugs from AZ,
~Anna
Wow, Anna. Difficult relationships can definitely exacerbate physical problems. And then to have to leave that relationship? Triple whammy. I’m glad God gave you peace about it. I’ll keep that in mind as I pray for you.
So love this friend! Have been having this conversation with my 2 oldest a lot recently. With them being teenagers navigating high school we have stressed how important it is to surround ourselves with really good friends. Thanks so much for sharing! Blessings!
I’m glad this post encouraged you, Wendy. NEVER be afraid to get in your kids’ business and get to know their friends. Sometimes I thought Go’ds goal for parents of teenagers was to frustrate them. BOTH of them
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Oh, the social circles in school!! I remember!!! I have had this convo with our kids before and sometimes it seemed like it fell on deaf ears, but we never had any problems (i.e. drugs, alcohol, babies) and I THANK GOD for that!!!
I’m so glad that I have ‘one foot’ in your inner circle (even a Google circle!)
Remember: “We will always be friends……….you know too much”
Umm, YEAH I know too much!! But we’re snapped together like Legos, so it’s all good… and 6 feet under…
What would I do without you?? You’re one of my favorite circle buddies
Great post! So true! I’m so thankful for the Godly women God has brought into my life! I pray my daughters will be surrounded (as well as their husbands) with people who love the Lord!
Thankful for you!
I pray “godly friends” on my kids too, Kristi! And I hope He brings Sarah a groundhog-loving girlfriend as sweet and godly as you
I’m still amazed at how God has knit our heart together!
This is a great piece. When I try to form a friendship it is usually my inititation at first. I don’t choose if they are believers or not…. I guess it is my way of showing Jesus’ love in a most practical way. I have a friend right now who is an agnostic & I go to coffee with her once a month (she just retired & she likes me a lot) don’t know why. The funny thing is that she likes to hear my opinion or advice. She is too liberal for me & I on the other hand moderate to conservative. But there is something about me, that if I can’t form a long lasting relationship then I don’t put too much into the relationship. But yesterday a friend from MI called me and we know each other since 1988 & we just talked where we left off, & we share our burdens & prayer requests. I remember back when we first met at the airport going to Israel…. It was a blessing to meet you & how our friendship has blossomed, because we have something in common and that is Jesus. As Mark would say, “Susan is one of a kind” yes I agree with him, you are very special. And always welcome to visit me in AZ.
Always happy to see your name in the comment list, Anita! God has put you in some interesting circles, and you are a blessing to everyone
I’m so glad He joined our circles, and I can’t wait to go back out to AZ!
So very true Susan, thank you for this reminder.
Characteristics I look for are trust and honesty. When I open my heart to others I need to know it is a safe place.
God bless you sister,
Love, Hester
Trust and honesty are my top 2 also, Hester. Consideration is a close third
Thanks for taking time to read and comment. Hope you’re doing well and the boys are excited for school to start!
Timely word as my kids went back to school yesterday… prayed this for them, but this made me realize that I need to continue to pray it for myself as well. Thanks, Susan!
Glad you stopped by, Kirsten. I still pray for my kids’ friends, and they’re in college! I guess it’s a prayer we should pray without ceasing. And, as you said, for ALL of us.
Excellent thoughts! I also love The Power of a Praying Parent – that book opened my mind and heart to all kinds issues to pray about. My kids are still young enough that I can influence their friendships (“Why don’t we invite Luke over?”), but I know those days will end. Then I’ll need to pray even more! I look for honesty, integrity, intelligence, and of course faith in friendship – for my kids and myself. Thanks Susan!
Isn’t that book an eye-opener, Julia? It was one of my favorites and changed the way I prayed for my kids. And you’re right — meddle ALL YOU CAN while they’re young!
Love your friendship characteristics. Those are solid.
What is that saying, guilty by association? I’m always telling my kids this. Some of them have listed and others haven’t.
Great post, Susan!
LOL when I taught this a few weeks ago, I reminded our class of the old saying,
If you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.
Caused some husbands and wives to exchange glances
Thanks for stopping by today, Mindy!
Susan, I thank God every day for preparing my children’s friendships that will lead them down the path of righteousness and not destruction. We are finding that the friends we would pick for our kids are not necessarily who God would pick and we’re learning to step out of the way and let God do His thing. We are witnessing miracles in our son’s life since we’ve arrived at our new Nevada home. For 17 years Josh participated in the church activities (children’s church and youth group), for 17 years he was ostracized, and at 17 he walk away friendless and vowed to never go to church again (remember, these were the friend WE felt Josh should have). We have been in the Summerlin, Las Vegas area now for 3 months and Josh has gravitated to this family (2 men in their late forties taking care of their father, who is a retired teacher). Understand, I would never pick these 2 guys to hang around with my son… they are toothless and twice his age. Let me tell you, however, God’s miracles and answered prayers are unfolding before our eyes. These guys have taken Josh under their wings… they’ve lived life and are trying to steer Josh in the right direction to avoid some of the pain they’ve experience. They take Josh wherever they go. One of the guys is a mechanic and Josh goes with him on various jobs and DAnny is teaching him the trade. This weekend is Josh’s 21st Birthday and they have already planned a big bash by the pool. It’s truly beautiful to watch these relationships blossom to the point now they see Josh as family (if fact, we’ve all grown very close to one another). Ron and I do not believe this is a one-sided relationship. We truly believe God is working in the lives of these men and it is our prayer that Josh’s story and the influence from our family will thrust them into a relationship with the Great I Am! We have learned to GET OUT OF GOD’S WAY and let Him do the work (because our way has proven ineffective time and time again)… when we do, miracles abound!! Thank-you, Jesus!!
Thanks for sharing an update on Josh. You posted something a while back, and it broke my heart to hear how his youth group excluded him. I’ve prayed for him (as I pray for you). I’ve often wondered how he’s doing, and I’m glad to see the Lord is working in his life. I’ll join you in that prayer that your family can be a positive influence that leads Josh & his friends to Christ!
Susan, I know you’ve been praying for Josh. I thank you so much for taking a vested interest in a 6’2″ goofy guy you don’t even know. As I’ve told you too many times to count… you ARE a treasure and God IS answering your prayers!
thank you for sharing your heart.
i’m must say that i’m glad you clarified “inner circle” however. as missos, living far away from family and in a world very different from us… our circle of friends would be very small if we only chose those who believed like us. when i’m primarily choosing my friends for how they can encourage me and point/keep me the right direction, i have to ask myself if i’m doing friendship in my strength or God’s strength…
Absolutely, Richelle. When I think about “inner circle” it reminds of me Jesus with Peter, James and John. I have a lot of friends, but I don’t seek advice from all of them. I want my influencers to influence me toward God!
Thanks for stopping by and taking time to comment!
Hi Susan:
I have not read The Power of a Praying Parent (as I don’t have children), but I have read Stormie’s The Power of a Praying Wife. I’m sure the parent book is equally beneficial and insightful. And of course, Dr. Dobson… Praise God for such a Godly man. I have read Tereasa’s blog and her story goes to show how easily we can be taken in.
Thank you for visiting Reflections of His Grace today.
Blessings,
Joan
So glad you stopped by today, Joan, and I’m happy to introduce folks to Tereasa. Her story is compelling and I hope she’ll consider writing her memoir. What a testimony and a message of hope!
Oh Wow … I’m so intrigued by Tereasa’s story. Thank you for sharing! Grateful that she has found True Freedom!
Glad you stopped by, Jennifer. You’ll enjoy Tereasa’s testimony!
What a great post, Susan!
In thinking about my friendships, I think I tend to trust different friends in different areas of my life.
A friend who I call on for help with moving or building may not be the friend I would call on for emotional support. And the friend I would call on for theological discussions might not be the friend I would call on for financial advice.
Of course, there’s overlap, but it’s nice having a variety of friends, and knowing them well enough to know there strengths.
Good point, Joe. It’s good to have a network of friends, especially one with a truck
This is so good, Susan. For me, it is realizing which friendships leave me feeling confused and discouraged. There is a line between resolving conflicts and challenges in a friendship and one that leads away from God. Your words made me think, and I appreciate that! Thank you.
Negativity is something that’s hard for me to deal with in a relationship. There have been times in my life, mostly as a young adult, that I had friendships that nearly sucked the life out of me. It was really hard to create distance but it was the healthy thing to do.
I was in my 30s when a lady I admired had her 50th birthday and declared,
“I’m no longer running around with people who are unpleasant. I’m old enough to choose who I hang out with, and I’m choosing NICE people!”
That made a big impression on me!
Hey Susan! I’ve already read this wonderful post, but I’m your neighbor at Beholding Glory so wanted to stop in and say HI!
Thanks, Mindy — You’re welcome to skip me next time!!
I need to add this prayer to the things I pray for my son. It’s so important. Thanks for linking up Susan and being a faithful member of the WIP community!
Hi Susan – I think I must have missed this post in the hustle and bustle of the first day of school. I so appreciate your perspective and wise advise. I’ve been asking God to teach me how to pray specifically for my children right now – to show me what they really need (as opposed to what I THINK they need) so I can pray for these things. Friendships has been a key topic in conversation lately, and I appreciated they references to Dobson and O’martian. Thanks!