I felt like an awkward sophomore who found herself at the senior lunch table.
Everyone seemed to know each other, old friends hugging and chatting about things I had no knowledge of. A heavy heart-loneliness settled over me as I scanned the room for familiar faces.
I feel that way at every conference, even at Allume.
Some of my friends are furrowing brows right now, trying to reconcile this admission of insecurity with the confidence they tell me I “radiate.”
No, I don’t have a split personality. I’m just willing to admit that I feel out of place sometimes. A LOT of times, to be perfectly honest. And I’m going out on a limb here:
I think everyone feels somewhat out of place, especially at a women’s conference.
We look at the other women, especially sweeties like Ann Voskamp, and can’t help but compare ourselves to women like her
– who have bigger platforms.
– who have have fancy business cards and cool clothes.
– who have Thomas Nelson, Lifeway and Zondervan competing for their books.
On and on it goes.
It’s funny that I don’t have any of those things, and yet people see me as confident.
I’ll let you in on a secret: that confidence isn’t mine.
You see, I’ve wrestled feelings of insecurity for a long time. I can’t quite pin them to the mat, but I’ve figured out a way to get them in a grapevine hold and stop them from squirming so much.
I ask myself how it would look if Jesus Himself was in my situation,
and then I do THAT.
So any confidence you see? That’s Christ IN me.
Even though I might feel sophomoric, I know I’m not in Him. I know He isn’t comparing me to anyone, and so there’s no reason for me to start comparing myself. I want a healthy “God-confidence,” an understanding of who I am in Christ and the grace to live that to the fullest.
And I want that for all my friends. Book deal or not. Cool clothes or not. 100K Twitter followers or not.
So anytime you’re tempted to feel “less than,” remember Ephesians 2:10, Suz-paraphrase:
He’s uniquely gifted and called EACH of us.
You have skills and passions and influence, and
NO ONE ELSE can do what He’s empowered YOU to do!
So let’s scooch over and make room at the table, encouraging each other in Christ Jesus. There are no seniors here. Only servants.
BTW thank you for your prayers for my site reconstruction. There’s a learning curve but it’s coming along
Your comments bless me more than you know.